It’s true I have blogged for a while.

It’s true I have blogged for a while. Its been a challenging time, as we all try to adjust to a new life, a much lonelier life, without my without my mom’s bright smile, and her wonderful hello every morning and every night.

And as they say “life is for the living” and so we go on.

Since returning from Detroit in November, I have been going to shul to say cottage as much as possible. and often attend the evening services at Anshe Sholom, an orthodox shul in Chicago. They are very welcoming and always have a chair reserved for me. The rabbi and all of the regulars are so warm. Yet, I still like to be counted as part of the minyan and I like sitting among all of the congregants—men and women alike. That being said, I really prefer going to the conservative services, at Anshe Emet, which is similar to how I was raised.
So, for the last couple of Sunday’s I attended the morning minyan at Anshe Emet. And as fate has it, I met a new friend—Rhea. And I have l earned something about the week’s Torah portion and even more important, I realized something.

Each week the person running the service, gives congregants saying Yorseit, a chance to talk bout their loved one. Last week, we heard a heart warming and historical account of one congregant’s father. A holocaust survivor, he escaped at a young age on the Kinder Express to England. Later, he volunteered to help other orphaned children after the war. And his daughter, upon the death of her mother discovered a journal, documenting some of these experiences. An amazing story!

Another congregant talked of her mother, who became a doctor, in a time when d women did not become doctor. And still another, said, her mother would be surprised that she observed the Yortseit at all.

The one constant, no matter what the story, is the deep love they have for their parent or spouse and the tears that are still shed. In fact, one of the men, said his dad would have been 109 this year, with tears in his eyes. And another woman, in her later seventies or early eighties, cried as she talked about her beloved mother and how she raised 3 children, even as a single mother.

Listening to these stories, brought tears to my eyes, as I thought about how much I miss my mom and how wonderful she was. Lately, I am caught off guard, by this grieving process. But in services, it is all encompassing. I spend most of the service in tears. But last Sunday, listening to these women, I realized it will never go away. Perhaps it will get easier and I will (as I often do) smile when I think of her memories. In fact, I never truly understood the Jewish grieving process until now. A wonderful tradition of community. The Shiva to help you through the first days of loss. Surrounded by friends and family—we easily had 50-100 people everyday. A wonderful tribute to my amazing mom. And a chance to reconnect with old friends and neighbors. And a chance to renew family connections. And then going to services to say Kattish. And it is true, that some like to say Kattish at home, and I have done that on days I can not make it to services. I even have a Sidur in my car for those days that I have to drop off and pickup and cannot make services. But these experiences are not the community, I am longing for. Yet, on Sunday morning, I felt that community come alive. Heartwarming stories, prayers for loved ones, a mishaberech for those who need strength to overcome illness, a short sermon about the week’s Torah portion (a ship of faith –this was a good one and a new perspective on the story of Moses) and new friends. A wonderful tradition of community!

Still more to write. This Sunday, I called my Dad, as I do most mornings. He sounded tired, so I thought I woke him up. He explained that he had been up all night because his leg was in pain. And for those who may remember, he had surgery this summer to repair the knee replacement and drain the infection. In fact, he was in the hospital the same time as my mom. He was on one floor and she on another. And when he went home, she cried. She wanted to leave with him of course.

So, on Sunday, my dad went to the ER and they checked out his leg. And they did not find anything so they sent him home and told him to follow up with his doctor. Only he was still in a great deal of pain. In fact, they told him that he could stay and see the doctor in the morning, but that his insurance would not cover it. So he went home in pain, and knocked himself out on pain medicine—Valadon of course.

In hearing this story and talking to my dad today, I was appalled by our health system and how they treat people. Especially seniors. How do you send someone home in pain? How can we let the insurance companies determine what kind of treatment is appropriate. It is doctors and not insurance companies that should make recommendations for our healthcare. And as for insurance, I can speak from experience, paying hefty premiums and through the roof deductibles and out of pocket costs. Its not wonder, people cant afford insurance and even more the healthcare services they are entitled too.

That’s right. I said “entitled.” Everyone is entitled to good healthcare and it our job as a community to take care of each other. I know many don’t agree with this perspective, but it is important to look at the human side of the issue, not just the balance sheet, the profit and loss statement and stock prices.

So for those of you who are wondering about my Dad. They should have never sent him home. His knee is severely infected and he is in the hospital and has to have surgery to clean out the infection. They will put a temporary knee replacement in and then, once the infection is completely healed he will have another surgery to put the permanent knee replacement in. He is very frustrated by this turn of events. And I do not blame him. This will be the 3rd knee replacement surgery in a year.

So today, he was scheduled for surgery but it was cancelled due to his heart rate being high, which was most likely caused by the infection. So now he is in the hospital on meds for his heart rate and for his infection and waiting for his surgery to be rescheduled. Please say a prayer for my Dad for a speedy recovery. Of all people, he does not deserve this.

Good nite and lots of love.
Ilene